Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
