My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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