if only i could text you this smell
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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