if you like me you must not know who I am
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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