i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
