you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
