I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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