Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
