We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
