My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
smell my finger.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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