People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
