you traded sex for a burrito?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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