i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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