I bet he comes in French.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
