You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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