I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
