you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
