This is not my ceiling
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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