OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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