Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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