It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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