As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize