...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
