Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
