absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
