How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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