My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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