She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
