I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
