sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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