If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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