Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
