So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
