I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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