I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
