So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
