And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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