In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize