I feel like I'm in dance class right now
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
