Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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