I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
