I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
