And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
