just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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