I think I won the penis lottery.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
