oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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