So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize