i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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