Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
