who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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