He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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