Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Fuck appropriateness.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
