Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
