His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
