I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
