A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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