I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
