i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize