I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
