remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
