WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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