He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
third nipple confirmed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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