Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
