You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
