So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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