somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
