I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
