i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize