her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
