Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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