You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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