the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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