Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
