Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
