My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
