Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
