I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
