my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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