eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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